How to deal with conflict management in the remote working structure

Welcome to the Vantage HR Influencers Podcast. This podcast is sponsored by Vantage Circle, the leading employee benefits and engagement platform. We all face conflict at work, and dealing with conflict is a crucial skill to succeed. It can be your coworker who keeps going over your head for more benefits, or it may be your manager who took all the credit for your initiative. Sometimes we decide to have the difficult conversation, and sometimes we just shy away. So we know that getting everyone on the same page is difficult, and it is far more challenging when it comes to the remote working structure.

Susmita Sarma: Hello everyone, this is Susmita from the Vantage HR Influencers Podcast, and today we will have a conversation on the topic of conflict management in the remote working structure. Introducing our guest speaker today, Mr. Vinay Trivedi, who currently works as Head HR at a startup, with 14 years of experience in the field of talent management, talent engagement, and talent acquisition, across IT, BPO, banking, insurance, and fintech. Welcome to the show, Vinay.

Vinay Trivedi: Thank you very much for having me here, and let me also tell you that this is my first podcast.

Susmita Sarma: So, great. Very glad to partner with you and share some insights. Okay, so before we start, Vinay, we would love to know a little more about you and your journey in HR.

Vinay Trivedi: I had a very interesting journey as far as my HR career is concerned. I say it's interesting because I've actually tried four or five different types of industries. I've worked across information technology services, BPO, banking, life insurance, and now I'm in a startup ecosystem. So my journey in that sense has been very exciting and adventurous. I've failed many times, I've fallen flat many times, and I've had a lot of conflicts, and I've still sort of progressed and kept going.

Susmita Sarma: So coming to the topic, Vinay, how would you describe the term conflict management?

Vinay Trivedi: See, in my view, let's first understand what conflict really means, and then the management of it can come in. Conflict is sometimes to do with making a choice between two rights, or making a choice between two people that you believe in. And conflicts are also internal. When I say internal, it's more of a conflict between the left and right side of our own self, of what we want to do and what we don't want to do. So conflict really is about making that difficult choice, and management is trying to see how the choice we make is in the larger good, in this context an organization, or it could be anything else that you're actually deciding for.

Susmita Sarma: So conflicts are common in any team, but they need to be handled a little more carefully when it comes to remote teams. Why is it that disagreement among virtual teams can escalate more quickly than in face to face encounters?

Vinay Trivedi: This is a very interesting question that you actually ask. When you're in a normal scenario and there are conflicts, there are ways and means to diffuse or reduce those conflicts, because you're present together in a particular location. When it comes to virtual teams, you don't get that immediacy. I'll give you an example. There's a heated argument that happens in a team meeting, there's a conflict of views and opinions, and a certain decision gets taken which obviously may not be agreeable to everybody in the team. But when two or three people are disgruntled or angry after the meeting, in person there's usually somebody who will reach out to them and have a conversation to diffuse that tension. Virtually, that may not be possible with the same intensity, because you'd have to do a call or a video conference. So conflicts in a virtual setting have to be managed in a very time-sensitive manner, because it's critical that you address it as soon as you can when it comes to virtual teams. And the only reason it escalates so quickly is because there's nobody who can come to you and say, "Hang on, don't worry, I have a different view, let me explain," while you sort this out, because everyone is virtual. So it has to be treated very sensitively, and more importantly, time-sensitively. The timing of how we diffuse it matters more.

Susmita Sarma: So what are the most common conflicts that we see in remote workplaces?

Vinay Trivedi: Remote workplaces still see the normal conflicts that happen anywhere, differences of opinion, differences of strategy, differences of approach in trying to get to a solution for a problem. Those are your normal workplace conflicts. When you're working virtually, the compounding factor is that people aren't able to clearly read your non-verbal communication. In a team meeting in person, somebody may nod and say "I agree" when you can tell they're actually not comfortable, so you can ask, "Hey, what's the matter, you don't seem convinced." Virtually, that's not 100% possible. So another layer to these common conflicts is the non-verbal communication piece, which is often present in a conflict scenario. That's one. The second thing, when you look at remote workplaces, is the appreciation of complexity. We're human beings, we're social beings, we're tuned to meet people and feel their physical presence. Virtually, that absence may add to the stress that leads to conflict, because you're not in physical presence in any of these conversations. So it makes you that much more hypersensitive in your approach. And there's also FOMO, fear of missing out. Because you're not together, you may be wondering what the other people are thinking after a call. Had you been in the office, that would have been a normal, visible scenario, you'd be seeing what's happening around you. So it may not be true, but it can become a conflict point where we're constantly wondering what's happening on the other side, are they on the same track, are they thinking differently, we don't know. That invisible parameter can add to a conflict scenario. So those are two conflict types specific to the virtual world, apart from the normal conflicts that happen everywhere.

Susmita Sarma: So is it true that HR shouldn't be involved in every conflict, because then they become the police station of the company?

Vinay Trivedi: HR is also the police, HR is also the principal of a college, HR is also a friend, a philosopher, a guide. HR is basically the one back you can keep punching on and not expect retaliation or any issue arising out of that punching. As HR, we're that sponge, we keep absorbing a lot of these things. In my personal opinion, and in my professional journey, HR should only get involved in a conflict if it's an HR issue. HR should not get involved if it's a business issue. Now you may ask, how are they different? Ultimately it's all connected, but a business issue is, say, there's a project you have to run, and for that project there are different ideas coming up, and there will be conflict in the way those ideas take shape, and eventually one idea has to be chosen over the other. HR cannot get involved in that process and say, "No, no, you should look at the project like this or like that." That's not a conflict HR should be involved in. When I say an HR conflict, I mean if something becomes disrespectful in that whole exchange, if the conflict turns ugly into a fight where people are abusing each other, that becomes an HR issue. So you're not really telling them how the project should be run, but you're telling them how they should behave in those conflict moments. HR should consciously separate itself from business issues and only get involved in HR issues. That's how I'd look at HR's involvement in a conflict scenario.

Susmita Sarma: But we see that most of the time, when employees are disappointed, they tend to say, "If you can't resolve this, I'm going to HR." That comes across as a threat to many managers, I suppose. So should managers exhaust their own strategies to resolve a conflict before involving HR?

Vinay Trivedi: HR and the manager aren't two different people, by the way. The manager is the first HR you always have. Even in defense, there's a first line of defense, which is your soldier level, then a second layer, then a third layer. If you look at chess as a game, you have pawns as the first line of defense and then your other pieces behind them. The manager, in this context, is the first line of defense, in the sense that they're the first HR solving the problem, in two ways. Somebody comes to the manager disgruntled, saying, "Boss, what's happening, this person is treating me like this, this isn't how it should be," and so on. The manager separates two issues: are you angry with the person, or are you angry that your idea isn't moving fast enough? If it's the latter, the manager can explain why the idea isn't moving fast. If it's that you feel someone is responsible for holding you back, then you have to separate your personal bias and look at it objectively. That's HR work that a manager does. So it's never a threat, in fact the manager is the first HR before somebody ever comes to us for conflict resolution. Does that make sense? It gives you a perspective.

Susmita Sarma: Sure. So what are the top conflict management practices you'd like us to know and learn, especially considering the remote working structure?

Vinay Trivedi: I think there are two things that clearly work very well in a remote working structure. The first thing that works, and that every organization should adopt, is over-communication of what's happening and progress reports. In an office environment, you're walking past someone, you take an update, you go to different meetings, you get an update, everyone's around you, so you keep getting updates and information. When you're working remotely, that chain is broken, you're only walking from your room to your kitchen and back, you're not meeting anybody in between. So over-communication as a policy, where the leadership team and managers give weekly updates on what's happening around the company, not just in their own department (because in their own department they'll anyway be up to date), but overall what's happening, that's important. You need to keep telling people where things stand and what's being done. What that does is give people reassurance in their head that they're still involved, that they know what's happening in marketing, sales, tech, finance, because they're getting those overall updates. So over-communication, as a strategy to reduce the conflicts that build up in people's minds, is an important step. The second step is transparency. I think people assume transparency gets impacted the most when working virtually, because it's a look-and-feel thing, imagine working on a keyboard you can't see, an invisible laptop, just typing and assuming, that alone makes you feel uncomfortable. So transparency in your approach, whenever communication happens, also telling people transparently what isn't happening, where things stand, what the issue is, that really builds confidence and trust. The minute that trust is built, conflicts reduce, because otherwise, if somebody calls and says, "Do you know that person was also trying to do this," it plants a seed in your head and you start looking at things from a conflict perspective. But if you have transparent, over-communication happening, daily or weekly updates, you can say, "What are you talking about, I already know this, it was discussed in the last meeting." It reduces rumor-driven conflicts. So transparency and over-communication are two critical tools people have to use while managing virtual teams.

Susmita Sarma: Is there a huge scope for judgmental bias in remote workplace conflict management?

Vinay Trivedi: Judgmental bias has nothing to do with virtual or physical working, judgmental bias is to do with one's own assumptions in their head. How do you reduce judgmental bias, or how do you keep it from creating an impact on you? By continuously communicating. It's like when people keep repeating something to you, this is what it is, this is what it is, you stop judging, because you start believing whatever communication is coming through. And when people are transparent, saying "we're doing these things well, these other things we haven't addressed yet, so please bear with us till then," it reduces the conflicts that arise from you making assumptions. What we need to understand here is that in any conflict situation, the approach to managing conflict isn't a cure, these are supportive measures, not permanent fixes. When I say supportive, it only reduces the level of conflict, it doesn't end it, you'll still continue to have some conflict, you address one thing and something else comes up. You look at how you reduce it, you can never say you'll eliminate conflict from your organization altogether. So judgmental bias, in a similar manner, through the tools you use to gain your employees' trust, over-communication, transparency, giving regular updates, talking to people, will only help reduce that bias.

Susmita Sarma: So how do you re-engage an employee after a conflict has taken place?

Vinay Trivedi: We particularly use an approach which is distance, diffuse, and direct. If there's a conflict, and we realize it's going out of control or could turn into a bigger problem, we immediately look at creating distance from that conflict, every party involved distances themselves. Once you distance yourself, because in the heat of the moment a lot of things happen, it diffuses the situation for a while. Once you let it cool down, and people are in a calmer frame of mind than before, you immediately look at engaging and talking to them, and giving them direction on what needs to happen. That's why we say distance, diffuse, direct: first we distance, then we wait for it to diffuse, and then we give direction on what needs to be done. That really works. Whenever there's a conflict, there's no point jumping in to solve it immediately, because sometimes what you use to douse the fire may not be water but kerosene, which only increases the intensity of the fire. So distancing first is important.

Susmita Sarma: So what are the most important steps remote managers can take to avoid future conflicts?

Vinay Trivedi: If you ask me, for remote managers, or managers in general, conflicts are a sign that the team is progressive and growing. Conflicts are never bad, not addressing conflicts is the bigger issue. Sometimes people don't want any conflict in their team at all, but when you don't have conflict, you don't grow, because everybody's just saying yes to whatever you're saying, so where's the growth coming from? How do you outgrow what you've already done? So conflicts are good, mostly, because when diverse ideas come in, conflict occurs. The fact that diverse ideas are coming in means you're growing, and that only happens when there's some friction, like in the Stone Age, when friction between two stones created fire. Without that friction, nothing happens. So my advice to managers is that you should allow healthy conflict. If there's no conflict, that means your team isn't telling you something, so it's critical to have those conflicts. What you also need to do, as a manager, is recognize when a conflict is about to turn into a major issue, and at that point, use the distance, diffuse, direct approach I just mentioned, so you can control those conflicts.

Susmita Sarma: Based on your studies and research, would you like to suggest some good books or courses on conflict management to our audience?

Vinay Trivedi: I think it's not really a conflict management book specifically, but it's a very important book for building leadership character, and conflict is just one part of what you manage as a leader. It's called Strengths Based Leadership. This book talks about how great leaders and great teams are made, and why people follow those leaders and teams, and conflict resolution is a very critical part of this book. So I think people should read this book, Strengths Based Leadership.

Susmita Sarma: Well, it was a great session with you, Vinay, and there's a lot more to learn, so please tell us the best way our listeners can reach out to you.

Vinay Trivedi: LinkedIn is a platform I'd prefer, they can look up Vinay Trivedi on LinkedIn, I'm sure they'll find me. I also have a channel called VT Talks, short for Vinay Trivedi Talks. This channel has short, six or seven minute videos that help a lot of people work on building their careers, whether it's building your profile, tips on interview skills, or tips on conflict management, multiple videos. They can look up VT Talks on YouTube and check out the videos as well.

Susmita Sarma: Okay, thank you so much for all your valuable inputs, and thanks for joining us, Vinay.

Vinay Trivedi: Thank you very much, Susmita, for this great conversation, and for giving me my first podcast. This is going to be memorable, because the first is always memorable. Thank you very much, thank you for inviting me.

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